The Stranger in the Mirror

A Real Testimony

 

I haven’t been able to write in a while.  Not sure if it was writer block or me being afraid to share this.  Well it is time for me to be transparent.  I pray this helps someone. 

I noticed a stranger following me.  Everywhere I went the stranger would be there. Then one day I looked in the mirror and the stranger said I am you.  My mind spoke but my eyes were in disbelief.  What had happen in such a short period of time?  I felt the old me inside but looking at this imposter in my reflection.

I stopped taking pictures.  I hated having to go to events or be seen by people I hadn’t seen in a while.  I would avoid people I knew when I would see them in public.  Shopping for clothes turned into crying in the dressing room and depression.  I have dealt with low self-esteem most of my life due to being thin.  By the age of 31 I had become comfortable in my skin.  I finally loved me. 

Well my low self-esteem started all over again.  I gained 40 pounds in a 3 month period and the other 10 pounds happen due to no exercise.  When I stood up I would swell up in my upper body and face and cause much pain.  Also my heart would race for no reason at all.  These symptoms ended my workout plan.

A friend of mine that is a doctor told me I may have an overactive Adrenaline Gland or Cushing.  The symptoms matched but no test would confirm this diagnosis.  All I knew is I wanted it to go away.  What I learned is it all started from stress.  I was dealing with grief on multiple levels.  I lost love, then my dad, my job, and then my identity. 

During this time I was amazed at people comments.  There were rumors I was pregnant.  One person told me I should eat less.  It’s just amazing what people let come out of their mouth before thinking.  No one ever asked was I ok.  Never thought it could be a deeper issue.  I had doctor basically tell me I was just fat. 

By the grace of God I am finally adjusting to the new me.  I have lost 25 pound without diet or exercise.  I feel God allowed me to experience this to have a better understanding of others.  He wanted me whole and to make sure I loved myself no matter what.  He also was showing me to trust him more and more.  I hope you see God even through the pain and tears.    

So my advice to anyone that may feel like a stranger is invading your life I recommend that you abide in God and you will see the real you.  When you feeling down stop, pray and worship right then and there.  If you are not happy with yourself do something about it.  Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful every day.  Jesus died for your joy so let it show.

If you need someone to talk to, cry with, or a prayer request contact me.